Receiving What You Want

This week’s Torah portion is Vayechi, which means, and he lived. Jacob has come to live in Egypt with his family. He is very elderly and asks Joseph to bury him in Canaan. He adopts Joseph’s two sons as his own and blesses them. Feeling that he is about to die, he calls all his sons to gather for a prophecy and a blessing. Then, having said everything he wanted to say to them, he lays back and dies. After they return from burying him in Canaan, Joseph’s brothers fear that Joseph will take revenge, and they lie to him. Joseph sees through their scheme and reassures them that he has forgiven them. With Joseph’s death, the book of Genesis comes to a close.
There are two incidents in this portion where someone wants something that they are not granted. First, Joseph is displeased that his father blesses Ephraim, the younger son, with a greater blessing than Manasseh, the older son. Later, Reuben, the eldest, is passed over for the leadership of the family. The sages taught that we should have faith that what we are supposed to receive, we will receive. And one of the Chassidic masters, the Rebbe of Lechen specifically said, “Jacob blessed Joseph’s children that they ought to bless and thank God for today and never worry about the morrow.”
In assembling all his sons, Jacob avoids the mistake his father made: only blessing the firstborn. Jacob tells all the sons who will assume the leadership of the family and explains his reasons. He begins with the eldest and says: “Reuben, you are my firstborn, my strength and my initial vigor. Greater by rank and greater by might. Water like impetuosity; do not take more, because you mounted your father’s bed; then you desecrated the one who ascended my couch.” Reuben is disqualified because he had sexual relations with Bilhah, his stepmother and also because Jacob feels he is temperamentally unsuited for the leadership role. Some commentators have suggested that by laying with Bilhah, he was trying to supplant his father, laying claim to his father’s power and leadership.
It is one thing to work for what we want to achieve and try to live up to our aspirations and goals; and it is something very different to force God and the Universe to conform to our will or to take something that is denied to us. Rabbi Gelberman was quoted in a very beautiful presentation at a Yoga retreat, where he spoke about achieving holiness and wholeness (The Full Chair, Vol. II). As he did so often, he gave meanings to the letters of words. The word LIFE he interpreted two ways: first, for someone with a big ego, little faith, and not much joy, and second, for someone who is joyous, ready to embrace life, has faith, and whose ego is not so inflated. For the second person, the L stands for Love. Rabbi Gelberman says: now the i in there is a little i: secure, at peace. He doesn’t talk about himself: he is included in everybody….he knows who he is. His i is a part of the overall I.” This is exactly what Abraham Joshua Heschl of Apt taught: “The Tzaddik is joyous when he sees others receiving blessings in abundance.” And also there is a Taoist teaching that is just the same: Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss. Harry Ellison carries this one on his list of affirmations in his pocket. What these teachings try to tell us is that by finding our attachment to the Source of Life, we can relax and stop straining to outdo each other. We can live cooperatively and not competitively. When we realize the truth of our connection to the Wellspring of Life and each other, then we can have confidence that by striving to live from that place of wisdom, we will be taken care of. We don’t have to worry about a lack or about someone else getting what we want. There is more than enough for each of us. Not that we should not make any effort. We should make every effort, but effort of the right kind: the effort to love more fully. The effort that the S’fat Emet calls, arousing the life force through desire,” and the effort to attach oneself to the “Source of Life” through the personal struggle to improve in our thoughts and behavior toward others; the effort to trust that God will take care of us if we do our part. In the rest of the word, LIFE, the f stands for freedom; and I would like to suggest that knowing the truth of our connection and Oneness allows us to have the understanding to be truly free: to choose for each other and not just for ourselves: to choose for the Whole, all of life, and not just the small part, which is me as an individual. Then we participate in a life of giving; and from that generosity, we receive whatever we need; maybe not whatever we want, but what we need. The last letter of Life is E: to be excited. When we love and are secure and are free, then we become eager to be of help, eager to connect with others, eager to fill the little gaps of life, to make the world more whole. Then we live not just for our own sake, but for a larger purpose: to express the goodness and generosity that is within life and within us. Then we are most fully alive. May we accept the gifts we are given, and be glad for those who receive their gifts. May we dwell in security, knowing that because we are attached to the Source of Goodness and Blessing, that goodness and blessing will surely come to us.