The Secret of Atonement, Yom Kippur 2020

Before Yom Kippur, a student of the Chassidic Master Rabbi Elimelech came to him to ask him how to atone. The Rabbi said, I cannot help you, but the innkeeper in the next town will teach you. He sent him to there to observe the innkeeper. When the student arrived, he was taken aback by the innkeeper’s appearance. He assumed that his Rebbe had sent him to a pious scholar, but the innkeeper was an uncouth, ignorant person who was serving drinks to his customers and indulging in idle gossip with them. Perhaps this man is one of the Hidden Tzaddikim, masquerading as a simple innkeeper, the student thought. He waited to discover the answer to his question. At night when the inn closed, the innkeeper asked his wife to hand him a huge ledger. He opened the book and began to read all the transgressions he had committed during the past year. From time to time he would pause, heave a sign of distress, shake his head in remorse, and go on with his heavy list. The ledger contained all the misdeeds and transgressions the innkeeper had committed in the course of the year – the date, time and circumstance of each scrupulously noted. His “sins” were quite benign — a word of gossip one day, oversleeping the time for prayer on another, neglecting to give his daily coin to charity on a third — but by the time he had read through the first few pages, his face was bathed in tears. For more than an hour he read and wept, until the last page had been turned. He then opened the second ledger. This, too, was a diary — of all the troubles and misfortunes that had befallen him in the course of the year. On this day the innkeeper was beaten by a gang of peasants, on that day his child fell ill; once, in the dead of winter, the family had frozen for several nights for lack of firewood; another time their cow had died, and there was no milk until enough pennies had been saved to buy another. When he had finished reading the second notebook, the tavernkeeper lifted his eyes heavenward and said: “Listen Ribono shel olam, Great One in Heaven, I know I have not done right by You and have sinned against You. Last year I repented and promised to fulfill Your commandments, but I repeatedly succumbed to my evil inclination. But on the other hand, last year I also prayed and begged You for a year of good health and prosperity, and I trusted in You that it would indeed be this way. You have really not done right by me either. Since we are approaching the day of atonement, let us make an even exchange. I will forgive You, You will forgive me, and we will begin the New Year with a clean slate. The student then understood. Yom Kippur is called the Day Atonement because William Tyndale, an English Christian chose the word Atonement for his translation of the Torah in the 1530’s. Later, the King James translation of the Torah in 1611 kept Tyndale’s word and we have adopted it. It’s a very good word for what we strive for on Yom Kippur: being forgiven and feeling that we are at peace. In today’s Torah reading, the Kohain Gadol, the High Priest, makes several confessions and atonements, one for himself, one for his household, one for the sanctuary, and one for all the House of Israel. Rabbi Israel Meir, known as the Chaftz Chayim, spoke about our Ashamnu prayer of confession listing our human sins, during which it is the custom to beat one’s heart. He said, God does not forgive the sins of one who smites his heart, but pardons those whose hearts smite them for their sins.” (YK Anthology P. 119) Which leads us to the word, Sin, a fraught word in English. You’ve heard me say that the word cheit or sin is derived from archery and means missing the mark. That tells us that the Torah has a very positive view of us humans. The Torah seems to say that God knows that we try to do the right thing; that we are aiming for the center of the target, but that we sometimes miss, getting the arrow a little too low or too high, to the right or to the left of center. Cheit also means void or empty, teaching us that when we make a negative choice or if you like, commit a sin, there is nothing of value in it. There is nothing to be gained from that choice. The Liturgy of the Holy Days is full of the message of Judgement – that God is judging us. However, the idea of judgement is actually missing in Torah. Or perhaps I should say that it’s added almost at the end of the last book of Deuteronomy, kind of as an afterthought, speaking more about judging the nations that are our foes than judging us. In fact, the word, judgment is only used in Torah to describe a human court determining if a person has committed involuntary or premeditated murder, which is found in the laws for Cities of Refuge; and these cities were abolished during the Second Temple period, in Roman times. Judgment of us by God is not found in Torah. What a shocking discovery! And yet the prayers in our prayerbooks are full of Judgment. In the Torah reading for Rosh Hashanah, the section referring to Ishmael, it says that “God heard the voice of the lad where he was.” The Talmud’s comments on that verse and also Rashi, our most famous Torah interpreter who lived in 11th Century France, agrees with Talmud, that the verse teaches us that we are judged, if at all, according to present deeds. We are only judged for right now. This is a true revelation. Am I saying that God does not punish us for past deeds. That’s right! God does not punish us for past deeds. In Torah, God only forgives and cleanses, which is told to us in the 13 Attributes, the account of Moses’ intimate encounter with God in which God describes the Divine personality. However, God does say that we are not cleansed completely, so that we will be able to take responsibility for our actions and learn and grow from them. Actions simply have consequences, and we know that. So all the beating ourselves up for what we did in the past, carrying all that guilt around year after year is the true cheit, the truly empty thing with no profit or gain in it. Many of you have heard that I discovered that if someone sins against you, they can’t look you in the eye. It should be the opposite. If someone wrongs me, I should be mad at them and not be able to look them in the eye. But that’s not the way it works – they can’t look me in the eye because deep down, at some level, they know the truth – that they have wronged me. This also applies to our relationship with God, and that’s what the sacrificial service was about: providing a mechanism for us to forgive ourselves and reconnect with God: re-establishing the feeling that we have been forgiven. And that’s why we are here today – to forgive: to forgive others, which I spoke about 4 years ago, in a sermon about forgiveness. Forgiving others has emotional and also health benefits. We are also here to forgive ourselves and feel forgiven. All the Chassidic masters taught that we should stop thinking about the past and make a new start. One said, very graphically, if you stir filth this way and that way, it’s still filth. Stirring it, or in other words, talking about our problems, rehashing them, remembering them, and re-living them, does not change our lives. It does not heal us. The teaching about making a new start comes from the Psalm 34 (:15) by David, “Turn from evil and do good.” My teacher of blessed memory, Rabbi Joseph Gelberman also wrote in his book Spiritual Truths: “We should use (our) energy for new ongoing goals… rather than punish ourselves. Regret without regressing. Regret instead with blessing. Start again.” We are asked at this season to turn, shuv, and return, practicing teshuvah. How can this be done so that we make a new start and feel forgiven? One way is to imitate God, removing judgement of ourselves, not judging others, and forgiving them, which is a process that takes intention and commitment. The classic teaching in Judaism about this comes from Pirkei Avot, Chapters of the Ancestors, which asks: “what is the way a person should go? One should have…A good eye, be a good friend, a good neighbor, one who considers consequences, and have a good heart, which contains them all (2:13).” We should all strive to see the best in everyone, speak the best about everyone, and if we judge them at all, judge them to be wonderful, good, and kind, send them love, and they will rise to the occasion. And if they cannot, have compassion for their suffering. Atonement, Kiper, literally means covering, that we cover the sins of others as if we can’t see them anymore, just as God covers our sins and does not see them any longer, only seeing us in the present. But atonement also means At-One-Ment, being at One with God. We all yearn for the Divine Presence to be manifest in our lives, to feel that God’s guidance and love is with us. Judaism sees this as the point, Pintele Yid, or flame, which burns in every soul. That yearning for Divine union is part of what makes us human. The deeper I go into my own spiritual path, the more I have realized that to see God you have to Be God. If you want to be close to the Divine, you have to walk closer to Divinity by being more patient, less judgmental, more caring, more generous, and of course, more loving. I recently learned how to be more loving through giving charity. Giving charity taught me about loving. Many years ago I was not so generous. I would evaluate the person asking me for a donation to try to determine if they were worthy or if they really needed it. I learned through being a rabbi that if a person comes to me, that my task is to give to them and not to judge. How do I know who is truly in need? I don’t and I never will; and if I’m asked, I know that person needs what they ask for more than I need it. It becomes my mitzvah: a gift to me and an opportunity at that moment, to heal and help. I learned that this is precisely the way God loves us and how I should love others –not withholding my love, but giving it freely to all those around me. It’s not my role to judge them, but only to give love. Everyone is worthy of receiving love. So, if I want to be close to God, I have to love like God and manage my emotions, not becoming angry or even hurt when others are living their lives as they want to; not trying to control anyone, just loving them from a place of security and trust. In this way we free ourselves of the need to manipulate. Our relationship with God becomes clear, healed, and whole. We are At-One-Ment, at peace, and not separated from God, as Isaiah said, (It is) your sins which have separated you from your God.” We are here to feel the release of forgiveness, the joy of closeness with God and the new start the New Year brings. May we go through this process that Yom Kippur gives us, also as a gift, release our judgement as God does for us, and love each other freely as God does for us, accepting ourselves, appreciating the promise of the New Year and all the opportunities and choices that will present themselves. Forgiveness is the gift we give to ourselves. Forgiveness on Yom Kippur is the gift God gives to us so that we can feel at one with God and ourselves. We have already been forgiven. Let us be grateful for the contentment of At-One-Ment and keep our hearts open throughout the New Year!

The New Science of Forgiveness

On this Yom Kippur, literally a day of wiping: a day of wiping away our sins, we confess communally for every human sin that anyone may commit. And shortly we will read that Aaron, the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest, had an obligation each Yom Kippur to atone for himself, his household, and for all the Israelite nation. In the ancient sacrificial service, which was the way our ancestors drew near to God, each time a person brought any offering – even of grain or wine or oil, they placed their hands on or above the offering and confessed. This was the most important part of the offering, the confession. Our sage Maimonides taught us about atonement, which truly means at-ONE-ment. Maimonides said in his work, Mishneh Torah, that the first stage of repentance is acknowledging something we’ve done and discontinuing it. The second stage is confessing it with an attitude of regret, and evaluating its negative impact on you and others. And finally, resolving not to do it anymore. This afternoon we will read the Holiness code from Leviticus, which tells us not to take revenge or bear a grudge. We are, then, asked to forgive each other. Friedrich Nietsche said, “it is much more agreeable to offend and later ask forgiveness than to be offended and grant forgiveness.” And yet, this is what God asks us to do – to forgive each other, as Moses told us repeatedly – for our own benefit.

Rabbi Zalman Schacter Shalomi of blessed memory, tells a wonderful story. When he would do a wedding, he would ask the family to assemble and then he performed a forgiveness ritual, because in every family it’s nearly impossible that there be no hurts, resentments, disappointments, or grudges from the past. So too, on this day, we have an opportunity to enter the New Year without the baggage and weight of past slights and injuries. At one of Rabbi Zalman’s weddings, there was a little girl who wanted to know how to do forgiveness. He said to her: “can you imagine that you have a beautiful shiny white dress on and here comes this big clump of mud and dirties it? You would want to clean it off, wouldn‘t you? Oh, yes!” She said. “Could you imagine then, instead of the mud being on the outside on your dress, the mud is on your heart? I sure want to get rid of that,” she said. He suggested that she close her eyes and draw down some golden light and let it flow over the mud on her heart until it was all washed away. This sounds so easy, and we all know it is not. Even those we have forgiven intellectually, we may not have totally forgiven emotionally – that when we think of that person, there is still some negativity there, in thinking about them. And to be honest, sometimes it feels good to be the injured party – to feel that we are right, and know the other person was wrong. It helps us to maintain our good opinion of ourselves.

Did you know that there is a new science of forgiveness? It’s what a psychologist friend of mine used to call Grandma research – research proving something your grandmother could have told you. Doctors and researchers are now studying forgiveness. And here is what they have found. Charlotte van Oyen Wilvliet found that not forgiving resulted in higher blood pressure and heart rate; the subjects sweated more and experienced more stress. Another researcher found more cortisol in subjects’ saliva. McCullogh and Rachal found negative indicators for physical, mental and spiritual health. Toussaint found higher instances of hostility and type A behavior, while Worthington & Scherer, in a review of the scientific literature, found that not forgiving compromised the immune system at many levels, disrupting the production of important hormones, interfering with the way cells fight of infections, bacteria, and even periodontal disease. Dr. Karen Swartz at Johns Hopkins University Hospital urged people to forgive. She said, “do it for yourself.”

Because God is One and we are part of that Universal Oneness, we can’t do anything truly good or bad that does not affect ourselves, others, the world: the whole. Think, if you will, of all the figurative mud that we, all the people on this earth, are carrying around from year to year; how much of a burden for ourselves and the world that we manufacture and maintain unnecessarily. Caroline Myss, a spiritual teacher, has spoken about the experience of a hurt an insult, or a slight. She said that someone taught her that in the moment of the hurt, in the person who was hurt, the insult brought up that same ugliness in the recipient. In other words, we experience in ourselves the capability of inflicting the same damage or even more damage to someone else, and we hate that in ourselves. Therefore, one reason to forgive, among many, is to do it out of a desire never to want to do that very thing to anyone else and never to hate, as we will hear this afternoon, (Levit. 19) “Do not hate your brother in your heart.”

Another interesting fact concerning forgiveness research is that Worthington and Wade found that forgiveness takes time. The amount of time a person spent trying to forgive was highly related to the degree of forgiveness that person experienced. So it’s something we have to work at. In one sense, it is learned behavior and there are many levels of forgiveness. We may forgive someone and find that there is residual hatred or pain or anger there. We can look back to Moses Rabbenu, our teacher, and of course to God, who told us that forgiveness is good for us. Indeed, it is holy work. It allows us to live more in the present, that sacred spiritual moment of Now; to live a happier life; and if the researchers are correct, a healthier life, body, mind, and soul. In the 13 attributes of God, which the Divine Presence spoke to Moses as a gift, during their most intimate encounter in Exodus, God said, I am gracious, and compassionate, slow to anger, forgiving and cleansing. We were given these attributes that we might imitate them and become just a little more like God, who forgives us continually. Let us, for the sake of life itself, dedicate ourselves to forgiving, being in this way, most like God, and bringing goodness to ourselves and others.
Given on Yom Kippur 2016

Linking Ourselves to the Divine

This week’s Torah portion is Nasso, which means do, as in, do a census. Moses continues to take a census of the Levites; and the Levites are assigned tasks for dismantling and carrying the Tabernacle. Instructions for purifying the camp are given, there is a process to atone for sins, and laws that have been abandoned, such as the trial by ordeal, when a husband is suspicious of a wife; and the rules for temporary nuns and monks, the Nazarites, are outlined. This portion famously includes the Priestly Benediction; and concludes with the description of identical offerings of the tribal leaders for the dedication of the altar.

Each year I read this section: “....When a man or woman shall commit any sin that earthlings commit, to do a trespass against God, and if that person is guilty; Then they shall confess their sin which they have done; and he shall make restitution for his trespass in full, and add to it its fifth, and give it to him against whom he has trespassed. (Num. 5:6-7). I have spoken before that the words, against God, B'Adonai, can also be interpreted as, “in God,” which tells us that we live inside of God, or inside of being, inside of existence. Since there is no life outside of existence, outside of being, how can we re-establish the feeling of being loved and cared for and accepted by God after we have been less than charming? This Torah portion gives us a few ways to re-link ourselves back to God, which is the meaning of the word, religion: a re-establishment of our connection to equanimity within God.

The first method in this portion is confession and then giving 20% more, when we have sinned. That's like apologizing and also giving flowers or candy, or doing something extra nice for someone. The broader principle is that by giving we can feel good enough about ourselves to allow ourselves to feel better about what we did, and feel accepted by God.

The second way is through ritual that involves an official representative of religion itself. This is suggested by the arcane trial by ordeal of the Sotah, the wayward wife and the jealous husband. Something was wrong in this marriage. Neither the wife or husband was happy. The priest steps into this breach with a prescribed set of actions which all parties hope will effect an improvement in the relationship. Perhaps even just the triangulation of the wife and husband speaking to the Priest separately and then the priest speaking to the other spouse could increase positive communication, which is the basis for all healthy relationships. It was a kind of early marriage therapy, by bringing a pastoral presence to calm the situation and to help.

And then there is the method of the Nazarite. Perhaps this person is really tired of repeating the same negative behaviors, over and over again. The nazarite has taken himself or herself in hand to put a stop to the undesirable pattern and choose differently. Alternately, perhaps this person is frustrated by the unceasing demands of everyday life, and needs some peace, to feel rejuvenated and relinked to God. The method here, with the Nazarite, is by establishing a set of prohibitions upon oneself. No wine? Understandable. No grapes or raisins? No haircuts? Ridiculous, and yet the process of abiding by a prohibition, just because God asked it of us, does many things: it reduces our ego. It helps us to abide by God's laws. It shows us how to develop our inner fineness by letting us set the limits. It develops our integrity, not allowing us to fool ourselves or be less than totally honest with ourselves.

All of these techniques helps us to reestablish our connection to the Divine. The priestly Benediction, speaks of prayer and acceptance. By being gathered together for a blessing, we are reassured that eventually we will be forgiven. This portion then circles back to exactly where it began: with giving. The giving of gifts by the Tribal heads stresses the importance of charity and tells us that this is a pathway to help us to do good in the world and to feel good about who we are and our actions.

Living within God isn't easy for us humans. We often don't measure up even to our own standards, no less God's standards. Luckily we don't have to be perfect. We can make mistakes and be forgiven, relinking ourselves to the Divine. Ultimately it's about caring: how earnest we are in trying to do the right thing, and how quickly we can reestablish our connection to God, feeling good about ourselves again. Because we live inside of God and are made of Divine matter and energy, our innate goodness helps us to yearn to feel the flow of love between earth and heaven. May we make the effort to keep our love flowing to each other, and may we be guided back into love and acceptance when we need a helping hand.