Leadership for Ourselves: Ki Tissa

Moses had been up on the mountain speaking to God for such a long time that the people despaired of his ever returning. To placate the Israelites, Aaron, who had been left in charge, fashions a golden calf from their jewelry – not to replace God, but to replace Moses. God tells Moses that the people have turned to idolatry and declares “And now desist from me. Let my anger flare up against them and I shall annihilate them and I shall make you a great nation.” Moses intercedes for the people and convinces God to forgive the Israelites. He argues with God, saying that the Israelites are God’s own people; that the Egyptians would say that God meant to kill them, further, he argues that it would harm God’s reputation; and he also pleads with God to remember the promises made to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Although Moses remains calm and clearheaded on the mountain, once he is again down among the people, in his anger, he shatters the tablets containing the 10 Commandments. Later,the Torah tells us, “Moses saw the people, that it was exposed, for Aaron had exposed them to disgrace among those who rise up against them.” Rashi uses the word, uncovered, rather than exposed. Here we have two different leaders: two styles of leadership and two different outcomes. Aaron has avoided an uprising, buying time until Moses’ return, by acceding to the people’s wishes. Moses has pleaded for the people to God but when he returns to them, he demonstrates that they have rendered the covenant worthless by breaking the tablets. He precipitates a bloodbath in which 3.000 people die, who had sinned against God by instigating and participating in idolatry.
One style of leadership is laid back, peace seeking, almost passive. The other is active, decisive, in accordance with strict justice. Aaron’s style of leadership attracts us. Moses’ style repels us. Several questions come to mind: How could Moses be so different on the mountain and down among the people? And also, why did God let Moses change the course of events? It seems to me that there is more going on in the interchange between God and Moses than a simple offer and refusal. When God asks Moses to leave so that God can destroy the people, God is accomplishing two things. First, God is testing Moses and finding out the answers to certain important questions: How big is Moses’ ego? Will he allow the people to be killed? Will he go for becoming the father of a great nation? How much does Moses care about the people? Can he handle the job of leadership, even if it becomes much more difficult than originally thought? Does Moses love the people as much as God, their creator? Is he up to the hard choices that must be made by a true leader? All of these questions Moses answers satisfactorily by putting the people ahead of himself. He passes the test.
The second thing God accomplishes is that Moses takes responsibility for choosing to lead the people from this point on. Moses consciously takes upon himself the leadership role, willingly and without reservation, in a way that he did not freely do before. The going will get very rough down the road and God is now sure that Moses will be with him all the way. Moses has emerged as a true leader in this exchange.
And how does all of this relate to us? The models of leadership in this portion can be seen as a metaphor for the leadership we provide for the spiritual development of our own souls. The late 19th Century poet William Ernest Henley wrote, “I am the captain of my soul, the master of my fate.” We are leaders in our own small Universe. Our actions determine our future. God is always testing us: how big are our egos? Are they small enough to make room for the needs and feelings and plights of others? Are we so full of ourselves that there is no room for God? Conversely, are our egos strong enough to make the tough choices that will point us toward spiritual growth or, like Aaron, will we take the easy way out, letting the flow take over. Are we ethically vigilant or morally lazy, complacent or actively standing up for what is right? Do we protect ourselves from the negative consequences of our actions or leave ourselves exposed to unhappiness through our choices and our unwillingness to lead ourselves to greater goodness?
We can provide holy leadership, excellent leadership for our souls. Each day there is an opportunity to choose to make a decision that will allow us to advance or set us back along our personal spiritual paths. Each choice is reinforcing. As Pirkei Avot, Chapters of the Ancestors, from the Talmud, famously tells us, one mitzvah leads to another, one sin leads to another. Each choice sends a message to God and the universe, which respond to our choices. The intention to lead ourselves: to go forward, with integrity and compassion, is a life changing intention. It has great value and power. When Moses came down from the mountain with the second set of tablets, his face was glowing with spiritual light. May each of us provide true leadership for ourselves, leading us toward the inner light; allowing us to feel spiritual joy, experience spiritual understanding, and the closeness of God’s Presence.