I first met Jeffrey Swiskay when he was working a record store across from City Hall. As someone whose passion is music, I always enjoy talking with a music store clerk around my age who shares my interest and knowledge of it. Jeff was a knowledgeable about music and film as anyone I've ever met.
I instinctively felt that Jeff was someone I could become friends with, so I gave him my phone number. Just prior to one Passover, Jeff told me he was trying to get off from work for the first day of the holiday. I was very surprised to learn that he was also Jewish. For one thing, I'm extremely naive when it comes to spotting a fellow lansman. Unless, someone has a name like Goldberg or Moskowitz, or they're wearing a yarmukle and tzitzis, I'm can't be sure.
African-Americans, Latinos, or Asians, I'm usually right on the money, but not as accurate with Jews. Besides, Swiskay is not an overtly Jewish name, and frankly...and Jeff used to say this himself, he actually looked more like a Native American than a Jew, especially when he would take the beret out of his long grey hair, which he was proud of, and let it just hang down to his shoulders.
Jeff, who told me that his grandfather was an orthodox rabbi, felt that one of his ancestors who lived in the Wild West portion of this country, may have intermarried with someone of Native American ancestry, hence the physical features.
Anyway, after discovering that Jeff was also Jewish, I knew we would become close friends, which we were. I'm an only child with no extended family at all, and Jeff and I were as close as if he were the brother I never had.
Besides loving music..and comedy...he had aspirations of becoming a full-time actor, and was very proud of the extra work he had done on some major films.
Jeff had a heart as huge as his physical body. I was with him many times when he would stop to speak and show compassion to a homeless person who literally smelled so bad, most other people wouldn't come within ten feet of. Before leaving, many times he would leave the person with a dollar, which was a lot for someone without a job.
I also knew that Jeff was willing to give up one of his kidneys to try to save the life of his late father, whom he admired greatly. Unfortunately, his father passed away before the operation could be completed, but this act shows how unselfish and caring he was.
I still can't believe that Jeffrey is gone. He used to tell me that bringing him to the Actor's Temple was the best thing I ever did for him, and said it was "the coolest place in New York." Being an actor, he was awestruck at the temple's impressive show business background. He was especially impressed that two of the Three Stooges used to come to services here, as he loved their offbeat sense of humor. Also, the Marx Brothers.
I'm truly sorry that his life ended so tragically, especially when he had dreams of coming to California to pursue a career in acting and comedy. He should have been around another 30 to 40 years to enjoy life and make others happy.
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Jeff was a roommate of min in college. I will always remember him for his lighthearted manner and golden spirit. He was a lover of Leo Kotke's music and a pretty fair guitar player himself. Rest in peace my old friend.
I met Jeffrey when I was about 5 years old.. I believe.. My parents were close friends with Judy and Hanan Jeffrey's parents.. and so I spent many weekends with the Swiskay's when I was a child. My very best friend in childhood was Jeffrey's sister Dana. So.. for the majority of my early childhood I was involved with his family socially and.. I would say that his parents provided for me a safe haven from the loneliness and fear that was present in my childhood.. During the past 15 years or more.. I did speak with Jeffrey and spend time with him as well.. and I stood between the worlds with Jeffrey.. he also lived in many different realms himself.. He was sensitive, kind and compassionate.. and in the midst of his personal struggles with life and love and finding his way towards some Island of peace and solitude.. he would come forth with generosity and compassion.. Jeffrey was quite a soul.. with internal conflicts like us all.. but not with the ability to sustain an inner place of self-love ot self-nourishment or self-acceptance.. and so I often would leave him feeling like I wanted to place the heart of God within his soul so that he could feel and sense how precious life could be and so that he could let go of his anger and frustration and have some time to rest and truly enjoy the divine gifts of life and being..
I would call jeffrey simply to say hello because I would have some free time while caught in a traffic jam and that was the time when I would reach out to my mother and grandfather and people that I wanted to know were in my heart and on my mind.. Jeffrey was at first very happy to hear my voice.. and then he would start to speak with me.. and I would ask him to please slow down so that I could hear all the words that he was speaking.. His speech was fast and I would say to him "Jeffrey, I really want to connect with you and I really don't feel connected when you speak so fast.. and so if you want me to be with you and to listen and digest what you are saying I need you to slow down.. I did this very often and for years.. and years.. and inside my soul I prayed that he would find yoga or tai chi or a marshall art to help his body regulate and settle down more.. Then I would tell myself 'Who am I to want Jeffrey to slow down?" Was that my need or was I truly caring about him.. When people ask me to slow down so that they can hear me.. I know that I am usually anxious or angry or believing that there is no place for me.. and so I might have felt desperate also.. With all that entails.. I still loved and cared about Jeffrey.. and whenever I saw him at Pathmark on Long Island where he worked for years or at Tower Records he was always warm, friendly and open hearted.. Jeffrey was also a kind and supportive and loving friend when my mother passed away in 2005.. He came to her house.. and would ask me what he could do to help me.. and when I needed someone to pack up some stuff and put it into storage Jeffrey was there with energy and enthuasism.. He made the moments of pain and loneliness less lonely and painfull and I hope that I also provided for him some moments of solace.. in a world where people are critical and judgemental..
I only hope and pray that Jeffrey is feeling at peace and that he knows in his soul the gifts that he gave and the gifts that he received.. I hope that we may gather together to share memories and prayers for Jeffrey in the near future.. Meanwhile.. I do feel his presence and all the lessons that he was teaching while he was with us.. some that I did learn and others that I am learning after his death.
Laurie Schwartz-Friedman
I am glad that he did call my brother Mitchell and that they both had a heart to heart conversation the week before his passing.. and so.. now he is teaching me through his absence..
Swissly I used to call my old college buddy from Nassau Community back in 1976. Jeffrey was a one of a kind person. We remained friends from 1976 until until 2003. I would do my yearly call on his Birthday that's now coming up in four days (Sept 5) and then we would talk on my birthday in April. When he didn't call on my birthday, I went onto the internet and started looking for a way to reach him. When I saw that he died 5 days prior to the 23rd of April, I broke down crying for at least 2 days. Jeff everyone you touched loved you or hated you, but my friend you will definitely be missed by al!
Jeff next month would have been your 60th birthday on 9/5/16. Not a day goes by when I have you in my prayers for the dead. In 2014 I lost my mother to cancer and I wish you were there to comfort me when she passed away in October. I remember back in February of 1985 when my sister was marrying her second husband that I flew into town and you and I hung out the night before the wedding. we got totally drunk and stoned and my mother found us on the floor of the den passed out and boy was she pissed. You should be proud of me too because in two days I am celebrating 25 years of sobriety. I also want to give gratitude to you for being my best man at my first wedding. You were able to tolerate my first wife and her family. You're truly a humble human being buddy and I miss you terribly.
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