Finding Out Who You Really Are

This week’s Torah portion is Bemidbar, the first portion in the book of Numbers. Bemidbar means, “in the wilderness,” but Numbers gets its name from the commandment to number, or take a census of, the Israelites. In this portion, a plan of encampments is also given, with the ark containing the tablets of the Ten Commandments in the center, the Levites camping around the tablets, and the other tribes camping around the Levites. The Levites are designated to replace the firstborn, and are assigned tasks for transporting the tabernacle, being given temple service as their occupation. One verse begins: (3:6) “Bring near the tribes of Levi and have them stand before Aaron the Kohen and they shall serve him; and they shall safeguard his charge, or his guarding, and the charge of the entire assembly before the Tent of Meeting, before the service of the Tabernacle.” Rashi comments on this verse, quoting from the Talmud, (Megilla 13b) “But my assignment and your assignment are not the same.” It seems like an obvious statement, and yet a deeper subject is being introduced here, involving our uniqueness and our destiny. Rabbi Gelberman used to say that the Eleventh Commandment is, “Thou shall have a purpose.” But what is our purpose? How do we find and identify it? One of the Chassidic masters, Rabbi Pinchas of Korzek (as quoted by the S’fat Emet) said, “Each of us becomes excited by a different quality or aspect of life and possibly of religious life; and this is reflected in the may ways of understanding God,” as we say in the Amidah, God of Abraham, God of Sarah, God of Isaac, God of Rebecca, etc. Because we are alive, each of us is fulfilling a very special and holy purpose, because if we didn’t have a purpose, there would be no reason for us to have been created; but we aren’t told what that purpose is. It is up to us to embark on a process of discovery, because only we can fulfill the unique task that we’ve been given. We all contribute differently. Some of you may know the teaching that when we humans make many of the same thing: coins, or cars, or can openers, we make them all alike, but when God makes many of the same, each one is different.
In this portion that begins with a commandment to take a census and count the Israelites, the word, count: pakod, as noted by Rabbi Elimelech, also means raise. We are asked to raise ourselves, leading ourselves to be in tune with our inner yearning for giving and wholeness. Rabbi Arthur Green puts it beautifully: “the soul is holy and Torah is a holy teaching, a mirror held up to allow the soul to uncover the great depth that lies within.” The triumph of living life as a human being is that we can safeguard those qualities which are unique within us, our special talents, our inner appetites for certain kinds of learning and achievement, and our potential for spiritual and moral growth. Rabbi Elimelech quotes a teaching based on the Prophet Zechariah (3:7) which says that angels are called omdim, standing, because they don’t grow or learn from their tasks; they can’t change; they can only do what they have been sent to carry out; whereas humans are called me’haleich, from the word, lech, going or walking. We are not permitted to stand still. It is our destiny to move forward, as in Norman Mailer’s famous quotation, "For there was that law of life, so cruel and so just, which demanded that one must change or pay more for staying the same."
Bemidbar beckons us to the great wilderness of our own minds and hearts. It whispers to us, “find out who you really are – not who you are at this moment, but who you are capable of becoming and what is your own special service in the world. Don’t stand in one place like an angel, go forward like a human being, full of promise and dignity; and you will be counted among the holy and blessed who have fulfilled their unique purpose, being of great value to others and to God. Our capacity for learning, developing, and rising to great heights is unlimited. Take a step into the unknown: the world of the soul; the terrain of unconditional service and love, and there you will discover yourself.