Two Models of Co-existence

This week we read the torah portion Vayetze, and he went. Jacob has just stolen the blessing from his brother, Esau. He leaves, being sent away by his mother, to find a wife among her family in Mesopotamia. He arrives, falls in love with the younger daughter, Rachel, but the trickster is himself tricked into marrying the older daughter, Leah, fist, and only after a week with Leah, can he also marry Rachel. He serves their father Laban seven years for each daughter, has twelve children with his wives and their two handmaids, and then serves six more years to build up his own wealth. As Jacob becomes richer his relationship with Laban and Laban’s sons deteriorates and he runs away from a conflict for the second time, departing to return to his native land. Laban pursues him and they make a pact not to come after or be at war with each other.

In light of all the destruction that has happened in Gaza and Israel we have to ask, what happens when you can’t run away? What has to happen when the world becomes so small that you have to stay were you are and you can’t leave your problems behind? This Torah portion actually gives us some guidance. First, let’s admit that wrongs were committed on both sides: neither Jacob nor Laban are totally innocent parties. They make a lasting peace, but are not forced to work out their differences. It’s important to remember that they are family, part of each other.

There is another great wrong in this portion: that which was done to Leah and Rachel. Neither of them can leave either. They are tied to the same man, or symbolically, can represent two peoples attached to the same land. Repeatedly we see the sisters’ unhappiness as each tries to capture the larger share of their husband’s love. Only once in the portion do their jealousies overflow onto the page and flare at each other, when Leah says, “was your taking my husband insignificant, and to take even my son’s mandrakes?” The sisters work it out with a compromise. Rachel offers that Jacob will sleep with Leah that night. This has to be the modern model for conflict resolution. Yes, great injustices have been done to both the Israeli’s and the Palestinians – by outside forces and by the players themselves. Neither people is leaving. Neither people can leave. On a spiritual level the reality is that we are brothers and we are sisters. The aggressive territorial models of the past won’t work in our much smaller and more populated world.

Were Leah and Rachel happy being married to the same man? We know they weren’t But they didn’t try to kill each other. They knew they were sisters, forced to live together. It wasn’t just; it wasn’t pleasant; it wasn’t easy; but they made it work, and they were blessed by having many children who all got along well together. The old aggressive, territorial model won’t work anymore. A country has the obligation of defending itself, its rights, and of protecting its citizens, but no country has the right to destroy another country. It is only when we realize that there is only one soul, one life, and one earth to share, that we will be able to live harmoniously. May that time come soon, and in the meantime, may be allow each other to live, if not happily, at least to coexist peacefully.