Inner Conversations

This week’s Torah portion is Noach: the well known story of Noah, the flood and the ark. God blessed Noah and his family: wife, sons, and daughters-in-law by allowing them to survive, because of Noah’s goodness. After the flood was over, and Noah and his family left the ark, Noah built an altar in gratitude to God for saving him and his family. The text tells us how grateful God was for Noah’s offering. God said to Noah, “I will not continue any more to curse the earth because of earthlings, for the design of human’s hearts are bad from their youth. God then promises never again to bring such a devastating flood to the earth, by reassuring Noah that all the days of the earth: “seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day, and night shall not cease.”

What are we to make of the statement, “for the design of his heart is bad from his youth,” also translated as “the devisings of man’s mind are evil from his youth.” The sages of the Midrash were quick to speak about the yetzer hara, the evil impulse, and the yetzer hatov, the good impulse. The unavoidable conclusion is that God knows us. God hears the negative mutterings in our minds and acknowledges what is, what truly exists: that to listen to the way we think isn’t always pretty. Nevertheless, God is merciful to us. The sage Nachmanides, who lived in 13th Century Spain, saw it slightly differently. He said that the phrase from his youth, means in his youth, in other words, Nachmanides maintains that there is learning that takes place, so that we grow out of plotting so much selfishness.

I think we could look at this with an additional perspective. We know that the thoughts that arise in us are often negative. We see life and interpret events, even events that occur to help us, negatively. We talk ourselves into depression. We allow our own often pessimistic thoughts to be the prevailing reality rather than the life, goodness, and blessings that have been given to us. Like the famous line from the comic strip Pogo, “we have met the enemy and he is us.” Rabbi Nachman of Breslau wrote so much on this topic. He knew how much misery we are capable of creating for ourselves by thoughts alone. Rabbi Nachman connects our negative thoughts to our opinions of ourselves. This is very psychologically wise and insightful. The principle of projection, that we project upon others what we lack or find unacceptable in ourselves, postulated by Freud in the 1890’s, is a modern day articulation of Rabbi Nachman’s insight.

In the Talmud there are two stories about a man named Gamtzu, which means, this too. The Talmud asks, “Why was he called…Gamzu? Because whatever befell him he would declare, Gamtzu This also is for the best.” Gamzu knew that maintaining an optimistic outlook always helped him in his life.

Rabbi Nachman used to tell this story: There was once a poor man who earned a living digging and selling clay. Once, while digging, he discovered a diamond which was obviously very valuable. Since he had no idea of its worth, he took it to an expert for appraisal. The expert answered, "No one here will be able to afford such a stone. Go to the capital, and there you will be able to sell it." The man was so poor that he could not afford to make the journey. He sold everything he had, and went from house to house, collecting funds for the trip. Finally he had enough to take him as far as the sea. He then went to board a ship, but he did not have any money. He went to the ship's captain and showed him the jewel. The captain immediately welcomed him aboard the ship with great honor, assuming he was a very trustworthy person. He gave the poor man a special first class cabin, and treated him like a wealthy person. The poor man's cabin had a view of the sea, and he sat there, constantly looking at the diamond and rejoicing. He was especially particular to do this during his meals, since eating in good spirits is highly beneficial for digestion. Then one day, he sat down to eat, with the diamond lying in front of him on the table where he could enjoy it. Sittting there he dozed off. Meanwhile, the mess boy came and cleared the table, shaking the tablecloth with it's crumbs and the diamond into the sea. When he woke up and realized what had happened, he almost went mad with grief. Besides, the captain was a ruthless man who would not hesitate to kill him for his fare. Having no other choice, he continued to act happy, as if nothing had happened. The captain would usually speak to him a few hours every day, and on this day, he put himself in good spirits, so that the captain was not aware that anything was wrong. The captain said to him, "I want to buy a large quantity of wheat and I will be able to sell it in London for a huge profit. But I am afraid that I will be accused of stealing from the king's treasury. Therefore, I will arrange for the wheat to be bought in your name. I will pay you well for your trouble." The poor man agreed. But as soon as they arrived in London the captain died. The entire shipload of wheat was in the poor man's name and it was worth many times as much as the diamond. Rabbi Nachman concluded, "The diamond did not belong to the poor man, and the proof is that he did not keep it. The wheat, however, did belong to him, and the proof is that he kept it. But he got what he deserved only because he remained happy.

We can learn how to be more positive in our inner monologues and be happier because of it. Just because we have a habit of mind of thinking negative thoughts, that doesn’t mean we cannot change that habit. In order for us to truly enjoy the great gifts we are granted, we can learn to wait before leaping to a negative judgment, and allow the Source of Life to hear our joyous, happy, hopeful thoughts. May we go right to work thinking more positive thoughts this year, and though it, cause delight to ourselves and our Creator, when we both listen to the loving, grateful, happy conversations within.