Toward Harmony in the Human Family

This week’s Torah portion is Vayera, containing so many things to think about: Abraham’s hospitality in receiving guests, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Sarah’s miraculous pregnancy and birth of a son, and later the near sacrifice of Isaac, saved by God, prohibiting the practice of human sacrifice for this new religion of Monotheism. For us, loving in a time of increasing acceptance of those who we perceive as the Other, people of a different ethnicity, religion, color, or cultural background, the story of the casting out of Hagar, Sarah’s handmaiden, and their son Ishmael, is deeply troubling.

God had promised Abraham children. After 10 years he has no child. Sarah generously suggests that the elderly Abraham try to have a child with Hagar. They are successful and Ishmael is born. But then, about 14 years later, Sarah conceives and gives birth to Isaac. Isaac becomes a toddler and Sarah sees Ishmael “mocking.” We don’t know what he was doing…. Whether he was being disrespectful to parents or adults, or torturing an animal, or being mean to Isaac or to another boy, or just being unbearably or obnoxiously sarcastic.But perhaps Sarah realizes that Isaac’s big brother, who will be a daily influence and who Isaac will look up to, will, in some way, corrupt baby Isaac. Sarah demands that Hagar and Ishmael be sent away. Sarah says, “Drive out this slavewoman and her son, for the son of that slavewoman shll not inherit with my son, with Isaac.

The matter greatly distressed Abraham regarding his son, so God said to Abraham, Be not distressed over the youth or your slavewoman, Whatever Sarah tells you, heed her voice since through Isaac will offspring be considered yours. Bur the son of the slavewoman as well will I make into a nation, for he is your offspring.” (Gen. 21:10-13) This is so puzzling. Why would God side with Sarah? We see this not as the freeing of a slave, but as a life-threatening abandonment of a woman and a child. Sarah frames her request in terms of inheritance, but the text implies that inheritance is not the real issue. It is the character of Ishmael that Sarah objects to. Ishmael is probably a typical teenager. Having had two teenage sons of my own, I know what a 15 year old boy is like. Even the best of them are trying at times. An interesting question is, why did God allow Sarah to see Ishmael’s objectionable behavior in that moment? Anything we see, we see for a reason. God must have wanted Ishmael sent away.

Initially, when Hagar became pregnant and began to look down on Sarah, Sarah complained to Abraham and Abraham put the matter in Sarah’s hands. Sarah dealt firmly with Hagar, and Hagar ran away. God brought Hagar back at that time. But now God causes Hagar and Ishmael to be sent away. We feel this to be an injustice. It is wrong to exclude anyone. We know that we are all one – all part of each other. I think perhaps there might be an ultimate purpose to Hagar and Ishmael being sent away.

How many of you had or have siblings? Can you remember what it was like growing up with them? You fought, made up, fought again, and became better people for it. Those conflicts served a purpose, and many, though not all, siblings go on to have deeply satisfying relationships. Here is another perspective: No one can go to college who has not completed elementary school. We can’t skip over certain life steps, certain necessary times of learning and struggle. In the same way, the human family is similar to young siblings. There is a necessary time of conflict: of learning, and of developing so that real peace can be achieved.

If we look at the time of the Torah, or the time of the Prophets, more than 2,000 years ago, the descriptions shock us. The time was more warlike, more brutal, more difficult to survive in. Our time looks more gentle, although there are still horrific wars, may they end soon. Perhaps we are on a continuum of learning how to get along with each other: how to be more peaceful human beings, how to develop real respect and even love for each other. And perhaps God knew that we could not skip the steps in between.

Yes, terrible problems have come out of the separation between the Arabs and the Jews. We have a long way to go before we as aggregate groups will be able to live peacefully. However we are learning. Perhaps we are only a third to a half of the way there. But neither are we at the place, in terms of our moral state, where our ancestors were. May we understand that conflict with others is a teacher; that we have been separated so that we can come back together, in love and acceptance. Our Divine parent is watching us patiently, encouraging us to react to each other with gentleness and forbearance. May we learn and grow, becoming more peaceful, less angry, more loving, and more caring about each other, causing our Divine parent to smile.