Toward Harmony in the Human Family

This week’s Torah portion is Vayera, containing so many things to think about: Abraham’s hospitality in receiving guests, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Sarah’s miraculous pregnancy and birth of a son, and later the near sacrifice of Isaac, saved by God, prohibiting the practice of human sacrifice for this new religion of Monotheism. For us, loving in a time of increasing acceptance of those who we perceive as the Other, people of a different ethnicity, religion, color, or cultural background, the story of the casting out of Hagar, Sarah’s handmaiden, and their son Ishmael, is deeply troubling.

God had promised Abraham children. After 10 years he has no child. Sarah generously suggests that the elderly Abraham try to have a child with Hagar. They are successful and Ishmael is born. But then, about 14 years later, Sarah conceives and gives birth to Isaac. Isaac becomes a toddler and Sarah sees Ishmael “mocking.” We don’t know what he was doing…. Whether he was being disrespectful to parents or adults, or torturing an animal, or being mean to Isaac or to another boy, or just being unbearably or obnoxiously sarcastic.But perhaps Sarah realizes that Isaac’s big brother, who will be a daily influence and who Isaac will look up to, will, in some way, corrupt baby Isaac. Sarah demands that Hagar and Ishmael be sent away. Sarah says, “Drive out this slavewoman and her son, for the son of that slavewoman shll not inherit with my son, with Isaac.

The matter greatly distressed Abraham regarding his son, so God said to Abraham, Be not distressed over the youth or your slavewoman, Whatever Sarah tells you, heed her voice since through Isaac will offspring be considered yours. Bur the son of the slavewoman as well will I make into a nation, for he is your offspring.” (Gen. 21:10-13) This is so puzzling. Why would God side with Sarah? We see this not as the freeing of a slave, but as a life-threatening abandonment of a woman and a child. Sarah frames her request in terms of inheritance, but the text implies that inheritance is not the real issue. It is the character of Ishmael that Sarah objects to. Ishmael is probably a typical teenager. Having had two teenage sons of my own, I know what a 15 year old boy is like. Even the best of them are trying at times. An interesting question is, why did God allow Sarah to see Ishmael’s objectionable behavior in that moment? Anything we see, we see for a reason. God must have wanted Ishmael sent away.

Initially, when Hagar became pregnant and began to look down on Sarah, Sarah complained to Abraham and Abraham put the matter in Sarah’s hands. Sarah dealt firmly with Hagar, and Hagar ran away. God brought Hagar back at that time. But now God causes Hagar and Ishmael to be sent away. We feel this to be an injustice. It is wrong to exclude anyone. We know that we are all one – all part of each other. I think perhaps there might be an ultimate purpose to Hagar and Ishmael being sent away.

How many of you had or have siblings? Can you remember what it was like growing up with them? You fought, made up, fought again, and became better people for it. Those conflicts served a purpose, and many, though not all, siblings go on to have deeply satisfying relationships. Here is another perspective: No one can go to college who has not completed elementary school. We can’t skip over certain life steps, certain necessary times of learning and struggle. In the same way, the human family is similar to young siblings. There is a necessary time of conflict: of learning, and of developing so that real peace can be achieved.

If we look at the time of the Torah, or the time of the Prophets, more than 2,000 years ago, the descriptions shock us. The time was more warlike, more brutal, more difficult to survive in. Our time looks more gentle, although there are still horrific wars, may they end soon. Perhaps we are on a continuum of learning how to get along with each other: how to be more peaceful human beings, how to develop real respect and even love for each other. And perhaps God knew that we could not skip the steps in between.

Yes, terrible problems have come out of the separation between the Arabs and the Jews. We have a long way to go before we as aggregate groups will be able to live peacefully. However we are learning. Perhaps we are only a third to a half of the way there. But neither are we at the place, in terms of our moral state, where our ancestors were. May we understand that conflict with others is a teacher; that we have been separated so that we can come back together, in love and acceptance. Our Divine parent is watching us patiently, encouraging us to react to each other with gentleness and forbearance. May we learn and grow, becoming more peaceful, less angry, more loving, and more caring about each other, causing our Divine parent to smile.

Our Family Tradition

This week’s Torah portion is Vayechi, which means, and he lived. Jacob is about to die. He calls his son Joseph, Viceroy of Egypt, to give him final instructions about Jacob’s burial in Canaan. He adopts Joseph’s sons, Menashe and Ephraim, as his own. Later, just before he passes away, he blesses each of his 12 sons and dies quietly and peacefully, a very good death. His sons bury him and then become worried that Joseph will seek revenge for their plans to sell him over 30 years ago. Joseph forgives them completely. Later, as Joseph dies, the book of Genesis comes to a close.

The section of this portion I’d like to consider tonight is toward the beginning, where Jacob has called Joseph to speak with him. The Torah reads: “Jacob said to Joseph, El Shaddai had appeared to me in Luz in the land of Canaan and God blessed me. God said to me, Behold, I will make you fruitful and numerous and I will make you a congregation of peoples, and I will give this land to your offspring after you as an eternal holding.”(Gen. 48:3-4) In the next verse, Jacob adopts Joseph’s sons. Why is Jacob speaking to Joseph about God appearing to him? What relevance does it have to the adoption?

To answer these questions, it’s interesting to speculate about the stories told in this family. God appeared to Abraham at least six times; to Sarah and to Rebecca at least once; to Isaac more than once; and to Jacob at least twice, and perhaps four times. There was a family tradition that a personal relationship between God and man could be a normal, or at least a periodic, occurrence. Were these experiences regularly spoken about within the family? I imagine they were. What might God have wanted the members of this very special family to internalize from these stories? When Jacob speaks to Joseph, perhaps one thing Jacob wanted Joseph to do was to carry forward the personal relationship between God and human beings into the next generation of his family.

This possibility of a close relationship with God is something that we need the Torah to inform us of. Without the Torah, this possibly might not be known. We might also ask: what kind of person might Jacob have been without God’s direct and personal intervention? He began life as a manipulative person, not content with what he had, but wanting what others possessed. He had a lack of integrity and ran away from conflicts. After God’s guidance: the dream of the ladder reaching to heaven, the 20 years spent learning patience and much else from Laban’s negative example, the wrestling match with the angel; Jacob emerges as someone with great personal integrity, who faces up to confrontations; one who forgives and is grateful for what he has, valuing all his personal relationships and having learned from his and his family‘s mistakes. His closeness to God was vital to his becoming the Patriarch we revere and from whom we are descended.

There are teachings here for us as well. Like Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca and Jacob; like Moses and all the many prophets, many more than 20, like the Baal Shem Tov and many of the Rebbes who came after him in the 18th & 19th Centuries – this personal relationship with God is available to each of us. And further: God cares about each of us as God cared about Jacob. Our development, like his, is being directed, so that we can continue to grow in goodness, as he did. Jacob says to Joseph earlier in the portion: “do kindness and truth, chesed v’emet, with me.” These are our two main subject areas: kindness and truth.

Our Divine Teacher, our Divine Parent cares about us passionately; directs our studies and desires us to be in this personal relationship with God, as Moses says in Deuteronomy, for our benefit. As the secular year draws to a close and the new year begins, may we strengthen this relationship with God by applying ourselves to the study of these subjects, knowing that Goodness is working with us, as Rabbi Gelberman once wrote, on our behalf, to bring about a better us, a better year, and a better world. This is what Jacob wanted Joseph to remember and to actualize. This is our task too: to bring forth and maintain our closeness to God, which is after all, not only our birthright, but our family tradition.